Goodevil
by JoHo24
Summary: Holly Dugan is a 16-year old girl who leads a normal life. However, this changes abruptly when she met James one night. She falls head over heels in love with him, but James has a terrible secret...
1. The Girl in the red dress

_Tap. Tap. Tap_. The thick raindrops fell incessantly on the dimly lit street and have done so for two whole hours. So far it was one of the rather rare rainy days in Saint Berkaine, a city in New Jersey.

The heavy and thick drops pattered against the windows, some of which were still lit up. The gutters were already overfilled and the water ran freely on the neat, in sunlight, beautiful front gardens of the inhabitants. But now, in the deepest night, the meticulously trimmed boxwood with their huge shadows that fell on my face seemed eerie.

The various flowers that otherwise shone in the brightest of colors were only gray and resembled bent fingers. Almost as if they belonged to one undead, who wanted to free himself from his watery grave. I felt lonely and deserted and I was, though I hated to admit it, scared. I believed to be followed by numerous shadows and as soon as I'd slow down they would turn into monsters with big, pointy teeth and eat me. But every time I thought about it, I realized how stupid that thought really was.

I was 16 years old and no longer six. I didn't believe in monsters, ghosts or vampires that would get me at night since an eternity. A slight smile flashed across my face, but a few seconds later the smile had disappeared and instead I heard a sigh coming from my mouth. I was travelling for hours and the rain and the icy wind, which whipped into my unprotected, frozen face and against my dress, were my constant companions. By now I was completely soaked. Thick drops coming from my black hair constantly ran down my neck and back, leaving lasting goose bumps and causing me chills.

But my dress was hit the worst. It had turned cold and heavy by the wetness, there were still dirt and grass stains on the hem, which I would probably never get out again. These spots were enough to remind me, for seemingly the thousandth time, of Quentin Jones and the most terrible date of all time.

He had wanted to pick me up at half past six, but I had begun to physically and mentally prepare myself for this date three hours ago. After half an hour under the warm water of my shower, I had put dozens of outfits on and off, because I couldn't really enthuse myself over anything. None was perfect for Quentin Jones, that's what I thought at least. He looked good, wrote good marks and was a true gentleman. He was the perfect son-in-law.

So I had to find an outfit which would be appropriate for him. I hardly could have showed up with in jeans and a wrinkled shirt. But the search has been more difficult than expected. The black skirt has been too short, the white blouse too long, those jeans too tight and the blue dress hasn't really been my taste anyway.

Desperately I had grabbed my phone and called Linda, my best friend who only lived a few houses away, and begged her with my most panic-struck voice for help.

„Calm down, Holly", she'd said, though she couldn't keep back a short laughter after I described my problem to her.

„You have such beautiful clothes in your very stuffed closet, something fitting will surely be in there." Her calm and clear voice had a calming effect on me, but not for long, because I still didn't have any clue what to wear. And one look at the clock told me that I had fallen into a time delay.

„Just put on your red dress, you know, that one you wore at my birthday." As a result I had hit myself on the forehead with the flat hand. Apparently too hard, because a few moments later, a red stain had appeared on that spot.

„I haven't thought about that! It's my favourite dress. But don't you think that it is a little...prudish?", I had carefully asked. Linda had let her high laughter be heard again.

„No, it's really beautiful and looks good on you. Put it on and if Quentin doesn't like it, it doesn't matter anyway, right? You surely won't wear it for too long..." Another laughter followed this outrageous statement.

„Stop that, Linda, I'm not a whore!", I had loudly and shocked snapped into my mobile phone.

„I'm sorry, I didn't mean you. After all you know what kind of reputation Quentin has. Well, it doesn't matter. Just put on the dress so I can hang up and finally finish my homework", she'd playfully annoyed replied, though I could imagine her face with the rolled eyes on the other end of the line just well.

„Yeah, yeah and thanks for your help." Rushed, I had thrown the phone on my bed and hurried to my closet. Linda's statement about Quentin's reputation was still ringing in my head.

Of course had I heard about his countless conquests, the girls in the locker room ensured that when we got changed for sports lesson. They told everyone who wanted to know, and also the ones who didn't, how charming he was and how many girls he has been dating. I've never been interested in their gossip. My opinion was, that one shouldn't think so much of the rumors because most of it was made-up. And the same goes for Quentin Jones. So I didn't think much about it when he has been standing in front of me in the school corridor with an adorable smile and asked me for a date the day before yesterday.

After several pants, skirts and some handbags I finally got out my red dress. It had both, a front and rear v-shaped neckline, plus a waist lacing and the lower part had two slits. Thankfully it had no wrinkles, because I hated ironing in a rush. Within seconds, I put on my dress and started to do my make up and style my hair.

Just in time at 06:30 pm the doorbell rang. After one final look in my mirror I had hurried downstairs and opened the heavy wooden door. And there was Quentin, standing in front of the door, under the glare of the lamp, but his appearance had been beautiful nonetheless. He had styled his blond hair with gel, so that it stuck out in all directions. The tight, dark blue shirt hinted his muscular torso. Then he had looked me with his almost sapphire blue eyes directly in my also blue eyes, grinned and told me how beautiful I looked. Inwardly, I had thanked Linda once again on my knees for her help. Apparently the red dress had been the right choice.

Minutes later, we had taken a seat in his black Porsche and were on our way to the movies. He had been telling me about his friends and countless sport interests for half an eternity. I had been bored a little, but of course didn't let him notice it. Every now and then he glimpsed at my cleavage. He had done that, whenever he thought I wouldn't pay attention to him at the moment. In fact, I had been distracted half the time and barely listened to him as I looked out the window and watched the people on the streets, as they were hurriedly walking to their homes or to a party. Only now and then I had nodded to signal him that I was listening.

At 07:10 pm, armoured with popcorn and drinks, we had sat down in hall three, waiting for the film to begin. It hadn't been crowded since the movie, some action-comedy flick, had been airing since months. A few minutes after the beginning of the movie, Quentin had already put his strong arm around my shoulders and pulled me close to him. I had felt his warmth immediately and got his scent, a mixture of aftershave, deodorant and sweat, into my nose. Throughout the movie we had frequently kissed. I had thought he was a good kisser, because his kisses weren't too moist neither were they too intrusive. Just perfect.

Up to this point it had been a completely successful evening. I was happy, had grinned nonstop all night and he was polite and courteous.

But this had changed drastically after the end of the movie, because, he didn't drive me home, as agreed, but instead took the road towards the woods and outskirts. However, I had only realized that when I spotted the large and dark outlines of the elms in front of me and noticed the sudden silence around us. I had immediately gotten a strange feeling and I was freezing cold. Had that guy switched the heating off? When I had glanced to Quentin, he'd only grinned at me lustfully and greedy. His gaze had been tacked to my, to the thighs, bare legs. I hadn't noticed that my dress was ridden up.

The atmosphere has changed all of the sudden. There was nothing left of Quentin´s politeness and the warmth and safety in the car. It was cold and the interior lights above us had let his heinous glare look more threatening. I suddenly had the urge to get out of the car and flee. To escape from this boy, who didn't seem to be Quentin Jones anymore. We were sitting in the car like this for minutes. I, cowering at the furthest corner of my seat, and he, staring at my legs.

But suddenly he had forcefully grabbed my wrists, which looked more like branches between his hands, and, with a jerk, pulled me on his lap. The sweet smell of popcorn and his sweat got into my nose. Gloatingly, he had looked me in the face.

From the charming and nice boy that he had been at the beginning of the date, there was no trace to be found in his face anymore. He'd eyeballed me from the top to the bottom, licked himself with relish over the lips and whispered with his warm breath in my ear that he wanted to do _it_ with me now.

Disgusted, I had, with all of my strength, wound myself out of his grip. In vain. He was way too strong for me. Amused by my attempts to escape, he had just grinned stupidly and tightened the grip around my wrists. When I had, after several more tries which got more desperate and panicked, almost abandoned any hope of freedom, one last option how I could escape this situation came to my mind. With disgust I had spit Quentin right in the face.

For a short time he had been perplexed and surprise has been written all over his face. But the surprise had quickly turned into rage. I had expected that he would yell at me, but within seconds he had opened the driver's door and threw me, away from his lap, directly on the concrete floor.

Before I could even realize what had happened, he'd already started the engine and drove away. Left alone, I had attended my long way home. I couldn't call my parents because I had forgotten my phone. In addition, they were on vacation in the Bahamas.

And just like that, I had ended up in this miserable situation. In the pouring rain, which incessantly beat down on me, I wandered alone through dark alleys and streets.

Now I was gradually aware that Linda has probably been right with her saying _„you know what kind of reputation he has"_. But now the date could no longer be undone. Well, Holly. _One is always wiser afterwards_ , my inner voice had announced which sounded suspiciously like my mom.

In the last few minutes I had noticeably gotten colder and the rain would just not stop. As I stared in the gray sky above me, I knew that the weather wouldn't change anytime soon. Frustrated, I went on.

My shoes' heels clacked with every step. But except my shoes and the constant rain, nothing could be heard. Not a single car had passed in the last two hours. It surprised me that I had been walking for so long, because the route, especially in a Porsche, seemed much shorter to me. But that was probably because of the distorted perception.

When I discovered a bench a few steps in front of me, I gratefully settled down for a moment on the cold and hard metal. A considerable amount of water splashed to the side, because here, as everywhere else, the rain had collected itself. My lips were trembling like crazy.

I didn't care that my dress soaked up the water below me in a short time and that it already came up to my panties. I only felt the pain in my legs and feet. They felt extremely heavy. And suddenly hot tears of despair, effort and anger at my own stupidity welled up in my eyes and ran down my cold, wet face. The tears left a hot trail on my skin, but the rain wiped them off right away. I deeply breathed in and out and tried to calm myself down.

 _You're not crying because of this idiot, are you?_ , I asked myself and stood up. Like an answer, I shook my head and walked a few steps, until I realized that my legs had brought me into a dark and deserted alley that was completely unknown to me. I suppose I should have been more careful where I went.

I stopped abruptly. The alley was narrow and slim. Overfilled dustbins stood on the dirty gray walls of the houses. Again, there were deep puddles everywhere and no light burned in the small windows.

Panicked, I looked around further. My breathing was ragged and my heart racing.

 _Don't panic, maybe I do know this alley and just can't recognize it in the darkness. Yes, it can't be anything else. I definitely know my way around my own town_.

I kept on repeating these phrases over and over again out loud to calm myself down. After some time, my pulse was almost normal again and there even flashed a little smile across my lips, which was a bit distressed. I was about to leave the lane, when I heard the echoing sound of footsteps in the distance. I perked up. This sound caused an emotional chaos inside of me.

On one hand, I was so happy to have found another person, who would maybe lend his mobile phone to me so that I could ask Linda to pick me up. On the other hand, I didn't know what kind of person was walking around here. Was he friendly or dangerous? I was still lost in thought as thirty meters away from me, I spotted a dark figure. Judging from its silhouette, it was a man and that, a big and strong man.

Suddenly an image flashed through my head. Me, covered in blood lying in the alley and above me the dark figure with a butcher knife and a diabolical grin on the face.

I quickly spun around and ran down the alley towards the main street, as I hoped. Just once I let myself be tempted to turn around and look out for the man. That, I better shouldn't have done, because I realized in horror that the man ran after me and, with great steps, overcame the distance between us.

 _He isn't running after me, right? I haven't done anything to him. Maybe he wants help from me as well. Or does he want to kill me?_

The fear numbed my senses. Thousand thoughts pounded on my head, but none of them got me to stop or slow down. Opposite. I sped my pace up, as far as it was possible with five centimeters high heels.

Nevertheless, I heard my chaser getting closer.

After some more steps I could hear his heavy breathing and eventually spot his outline from the corner of my eye. The sheer terror of the stranger let me go on, even though my whole body ached, what I barely noticed. The adrenaline that flows through my veins seemed like a painkiller. Again, I felt tears in my eyes.

And suddenly, out of nowhere, an arm shot out from the side, grabbed my waist with a firm grip and pulled me into a niche under a steel fire escape. Due to the shock, I was completely unable to defend myself in any way against the stranger or to flee. I just felt two strong arms, which held me. The skin that touched me was warm and, like my skin, full of raindrops that ran down his forearms.

When I let my gaze wander further upwards, I saw that the stranger's upper body was dressed in an expensive looking black shirt and quickly moving up and down. The shirt was soaking wet and stuck to his body. His pants and his shoes, which didn't seem less noble as his shirt, were also pitch black. After several minutes I bravely looked into his face and was surprised. Before me stood a boy who appeared to be about my age. Due to his size and stature I had rather expected a 30-year-old man.

The boy had dark brown hair that lay flat and wet from the rain on his head. His face was very prominent, one had no problems making out his cheekbones. The lips were relatively narrow and his nose straight and unobtrusively. The thing that struck me the most were his icy gray eyes that looked directly at me. His eyes scared me, because I had always imagined that only killers or lunatics had such eyes.

But as much afraid as I was, I could not escape those eyes and stranger. I know it was pretty unwise to be standing in a dark niche with a total stranger, but something about him fascinated me. Maybe it was his face or his entire appearance.

It seemed like an eternity to me, that we both stood there like this. He, his arms wrapped around me ,and I, eyes stuck to his face, while the lower part of my dress played around his legs. The flashy red was in extreme contrast to the dark clothing of his.

Suddenly, his eyes widened and with a jerk he had pulled me even closer to him, so that I could easily feel his muscles under the shirt on my skin and inhale his fragrance. Oddly enough, he faintly smelled of metal and a bit like charred paper.

The scent, which was unknown to me and I couldn't think of it whatsover, burned uncomfortably in my nose. I heard his strong and rapid heartbeat.

I could not explain why he was so nervous, but my thought process was interrupted when I felt a cold, wet hand on my mouth. The stranger glanced in all directions, then, from time to time, he simply stayed motionless and carefully listened to the silence.

I on the other hand, outrageously looked at him and tried to pull his hand from my mouth, since this last gesture had brought me back to my self-preservation instinct.

Like fog at dawn his appearance and dominant occurrence had wrapped my mind.

Now I could see clearly again and immediately, my inner voice began to throw accusations at me. _What are you doing here? You don't know this guy, he is probably a rapist or serial killer. Get away as fast as possible!_

Now I was finally aware of how stupid and dangerous my behaviour was. Why did he keep my mouth shut? Did he want to suffocate me or that my screams could not be heard when he brutally murders and dismembers me?

Driven by another vision of my own death, in which I was nothing but small bloody slices in a garbage can and was eaten by big fat rats, I defended myself with increasing force against the stranger with steel-gray eyes. Annoyed, he watched me while I dragged on his hand on my mouth like a madwoman and how I pressed my hands against his strong chest from time to time and tried to push myself away from him, in order to escape his grasp.

But the more I resisted and struggled in his arms, the more firmly he grabbed me. For the second time that evening, I felt lost near a man. Was it a coincidence or fate?

My skin began to burn like hell under his hands, like a lighter that was held a few centimeters below one's hand, when I stopped abruptly.

 _Tap. Tap. Tap_. I heard footsteps of several people, who stopped near us. Heavy, rattling breaths broke the silence now. Beside me, the young stranger was also standing still like a pillar of salt, listening to the breaths. A slight shiver ran through my body.

Was it the result of the cold or my fear? I just closed my eyes and tried, with all my might, to think about something else than of the unknown person and the other, probably dangerous, people in my immediate vicinity.

In my mind, my parents showed up, who smiled at me friendly, closely behind them was Linda. I smiled dreamy and for a few moments forgot about the environment and the events around me. I suddenly felt the grip loosen around my waist and the hand on my mouth disappeared. I opened my eyes and looked into a relieved face. Apparently, that's why he had been so nervous. He had heard the footsteps before I did. Maybe the people had chased him and he had fled from them.

I just wanted to start asking the many questions that were burning in my mind, when he turned his back on me and disappeared through the rain in the night. Initially, I could still hear his footsteps, but these faded with increasing distance.

Still stunned, I stood still in the dark niche, which sheltered me a bit from the rain. In my mind swirled the numerous events that occurred that night. The date with Quentin, my lonely way back through the rain, the attack of the stranger and finally the other unknown people. How could all of this happen in one day, or rather, happen in a few hours? Why has Quentin suddenly mutated into a disgusting guy? Why had I forgotten my cell phone? Who had the strange figures been, who seemed to have known my unknown savoir? And who was he?

These and thousands of other questions raced through my mind, but none of them I could answer. I shook my head to get rid of the agonizing questions and, after half an eternity, finally started to move again. And I winced slightly as raindrops touched my skin.

After a few steps, the pain in my legs and feet came back, unfortunately. I groaned exhausted and left the narrow alley. On and on I trudged through puddles of water. When I was looking upwards and recognized the street name on a small metal board, I blurted out a small, shrill cry of joy.

„Walnut Street", I whispered softly to myself. Over and over again. This street was _my_ street. Here I lived in a small house with my father Richard and my mother Eleanor. Again, hot tears flowed down my cheeks. My relief was boundless and I started to run. My shoes clacked in the rhythm of my heart now.

The never ending pain was forgotten when I saw our house with the white panels, the dark blue roof and the „Welcome" sign on the wooden door.

 _Only a few meters_ , I thought, and quickly got the house key out of my black handbag. The keychain with the countless colorful pendants jingled in my hand. Because of the excitement, my hand was shaking so much that I had to hold it with my left hand.

Finally the door was open and I rushed inside. I slammed the door behind me and ran up the short flight of stairs.

Once at the top, I felt my way through the, from the moonlight poorly lit, corridor, along the wall to my bedroom door. When I closed my hand around the knob, I turned it around and with one step I was standing in my room. It was nice and warm, because I had turned on the heater before I had my date. It smelled like flowers and my perfume.

Relieved and happy I slipped my shoes off the icy feet, took off the dress and layed down in my bed, still in my underwear. I was too tired to put on my pyjama.

I wrapped the blanket around me and stared at the silky sky that stretched above my bed. There, small dots of light from the street lamps could be seen. I fixed my gaze on the largest dot. It merged, just like the other dots, with the black ceiling above me after a short time and I fell into an uneasy sleep full of dreams that dealt with dark figures and tons of water.


	2. Who are you, stranger?

Dark, deep black water lapped my hips. It was so cold that my whole body was dominated by a dull ache. I noticed that the water rose steadily, as it was already reaching my navel.

I desperately tried looking for a way to escape from certain death by drowning, but everything around me was just as black as the water. I only heard his constant, relentless murmur nothing else. I absolutely had to stop the flow of the water, but where did it come from? Could I stop it at all? Did I have to die?

Cold sweat formed on my forehead and my hands were shaking constantly, while in the meantime, the water reached up to my forearms. I desperately paddled, hoping to stop the masses of water like this and push away from me. But of course, this attempt was of no avail.

It rose and rose. Suddenly a large, in the dark brightly glowing figure appeared. Incredulous, my eyes widened. The unknown figure slowly moved one hand toward me. As if in slow motion, it came closer and closer.

 _That's my salvation_ , it flashed through my head. Judging from the apparition, it could only be an angel, if I could believe the illustrations of children's books that I had got read out from when I was a kid. Relieved and full of hope, I stretched my arms toward the supposed angel, but he did not grab them. Panicked, I waved my arms.

„Help me!", I shouted at the angel. The ice-cold water ran through my open mouth into my lungs. It burned like fire in my windpipe.

I could hardly breathe and tried to breathe in deeply. But it only made the burn get worse.

My in panic wide open eyes were fixed at the angel looking for help, who was hovering over me in the deep black sky. Its movements weren't slow anymore, but fast and smooth and elegant at the same time.

Suddenly his hand snapped forward. He put it on my head and pushed me down with all his strength. I kicked my legs and tried to get to the safe surface, but I was too weak to defend myself against the strong hand that held me down. My limbs got increasingly heavier and my movements automatically slower.

 _Boom, boom, boom_. From second to second my heartbeat was becoming weaker. My eyelids flattered wildly before my eyes, like butterflies in spring. And then my heart beat for the last time.

Bathed in sweat I roused and found myself in complete darkness. I sat on a soft surface. Uncertain, I fumbled over the surface with my hands and got something fine embroidered and fluffy between the fingers.

I opened my eyes. My room. I was in my room and not under water, fighting for my life. My breathing was going uncontrollably. My heart was beating so fast against my rips that I thought it would jump out of my chest at any moment.

A sharp pain ran through my neck and the back. I must have been laying wrong or cramped during the nightmare. With my hands, I held the blanket tight that I had been searching blindly just now. It was dark in the room and the clock told me that I had hardly slept.

It was 4:30 am. I groaned annoyed and was about to lie down again, when I froze. What if I would have this terrible dream again? The fear of the rising water and the cold-hearted angel who wanted to kill me, wouldn't let me come to rest, so that I finally swung my bare legs out of the warm bed and got up.

Probably a bit too fast, because I slightly swayed and the furniture in front of me did as well. Inwardly, I cursed my circulation problems that I especially got in the morning. I stopped and counted to three before I was on my way to the adjoining, small bathroom which was mine alone.

Awkwardly I slapped my left hand on the cold, hard tiles, until I found and switched the light switch.

The electric light that was radiated by the overhead light was burning in my eyes. Instinctively I closed them short, but the burning was just easing up a few seconds later. I opened my eyes again, went over to the mirror and was shocked. Shocked by the person who looked at me from the mirror and who should be me.

The hair stood out wildly from the head in all directions and drenched in sweat, under my eyes were dark circles and the smooth skin was slightly reddened by the excitement. I raised my hand and carefully wandered over my face with it. It felt warm and dry, like scales of a reptile. I absolutely had to shower. Now.

Out of the cupboard under the sink, I fumbled out a cream-colored towel, took off my underwear and climbed into the shower. A few seconds later, hot water flowed over my body. I hoped that the heat would relieve my pain.

A feeling of security ran through me and like that, I was staying under the water longer than usual. Then I tightly wrapped the towel around me and went back into my room to put on some fresh clothing: fresh underwear, a worn out jeans and a simple green shirt. The clock was saying 5:00 am now.

Unfortunately, the pain was still present and came forward at the slightest movement. I went back into the bathroom to look for pills that would hopefully help me. The only useful thing I found was an aspirin. I ignored the leaflet and threw two of them in at once, in order to increase the effect.

Although it was still too early to have breakfast, I went downstairs to the kitchen. The whole interior was held in a warm brown color, which gave a pleasant atmosphere to the room. The floor was covered in white linoleum and the big wide window on the west side offered a nice view of the neighborhood. I smeared peanut butter on a slice of bread and sat down at the beech table which stood at the front window.

It was getting brighter outside and you could see the blurred outlines of the surrounding trees and neighboring houses. I was glad that today was Saturday. That meant no school and enough time to catch up on missed sleep and to thoroughly think about the events of the previous night.

I couldn't stop thinking about it and tons of questions tortured me. That I could ever answer all of them was unlikely. Maybe I shouldn't think about it too much, because perhaps there was nothing grand behind what had happened yesterday. Who knows whether this action of this strange guy hadn't been just a joke to make a frightful girl like me be afraid. The other men had probably been his stupid friends, who had laughed as they have seen me standing in the niche totally scared.

Yes, so it must be. But this boy with the steel-gray eyes and dark-brown hair repeatedly appeared before my eyes. Inexplicably fascinated by his appearance and his occurrence, even though he had not spoken a single word to me, I had felt like being a part of him.

I shook my head. Wait, how did I get such thoughts? Since when was I that emotional and poetic? And how in the world did I get the idea to be a part of another, totally unknown to me, human?

My thoughts were interrupted by noises in the hallway. The deep voice of my dad came to my ears. I immediately jumped up from my chair, rushed at full speed into the hallway and hugged my dad as tight as I could. He let out a rumbling laugh that came from deep within his chest.

„I'm also happy to see you, Holly, but would you let go of me, so I can bring in the remaining luggage?" When I glanced behind him I saw a blue travel bag and a small silver suitcase standing on the porch.

„Sure", I said apologetically and let my arms sink down again. While my dad turned around and stepped on the porch to get the remaining luggage, my mom turned to me with a loving smile and hugged me tight. I breathed in her floral scent and her warmth immediately gave me a feeling of security. Softly, she rocked me back and forth and ran her fingers through my hair.

„Honey, I've missed you much", she whispered in my ear and I could feel her smile on my cheek.

„I missed you too, Mom. What was it like in the Bahamas?" My mom took a step back to look at my face, but didn't let go of my hands.

„The weather was fantastic, it was never less than 86°F and the sea was warm and clear." While telling her story, her blue eyes, which I had inherited from her, shone dreamy. But suddenly she looked worried.

„Why are you awake already?"

„Oh, I just had a nightmare, nothing special", I replied in a reassuring tone.

„Are you sure everything is alright?", my mom asked. I rolled my eyes.

„Yeah, mom", I said annoyed.

„Sure?"

„Yes, mom. Every person in this world had a nightmare once, so please don't be upset", I asked urgently.

„Well", she gave in and began to fumble around on the jackets in the wardrobe.

„Can I help you somehow?", I asked, already taking a suitcase in my right hand. It was heavier than I thought, and so, with a loud bang, I let it fall back on the floor.

„No, honey, your father will do it. Let us rather go into the kitchen, otherwise we'll be in his way."

As I followed my mom, I saw, from the corner of my eye, how my dad just closed the door with his foot, because his hands were overloaded with bags and suitcases. In the kitchen, I sat back down on the chair I had left a while ago, while my mom filled the coffee machine with water.

„And what were you up to this week? Did you enjoy your free time?", she asked and poured coffee powder into a filter. I quickly thought about it and decided to better not mention last night. She was overprotective and would probably not be delighted if she knew that I had been harassed by Quentin Jones, had been walking for hours in the rain with just my dress on and had been standing with a stranger in a dark and deserted alley.

„Uhm... nothing that important. I was in school, on Monday I learned for the biology exam with Zack and on Wednesday I went to the movies with Linda."

Although I hadn't been meeting up with Linda this week, the fact that I had been at the movies was true. I hoped that my mom wouldn't notice that I was lying. Fortunately, she didn't ask more, but, with a push on the button, turned on the coffee machine and sat down opposite me.

I looked out the window, but I constantly felt the worried look my mom watched me with. I acted as if I wouldn't notice it and intensively watched the little Chihuahua which belonged to our neighbors across the street.

He played with a bright yellow ball in the front yard. At first he circled the ball and then, all of a sudden, he jumped at it, bit into it vigorously and wildly shook his tiny head while doing so.

I watched him for a few minutes, but then I got bored by his repetitive behaviour and I dared to look back at my mom. My eyes landed on an empty chair, because she was just pouring fresh coffee into a green cup.

„Are you sure everything's okay, honey? You are unusually quiet and besides, I have the feeling that you're avoiding me."

She had turned towards me and I could make out a frown on her forehead. I swallowed gently.

Damn, my mom knew me too well, as if I could fool her. I decided to at least tell her half the truth, maybe she'd stop constantly asking for my emotional state.

„There is something I haven't told you", I admitted sheepishly, because my mom had caught me in a lie. And just as I expected, she gave me a disappointed look, like she used to, every time I lied and like that, made me feel guilty. She took her cup into her hand and looked me straight in the eyes before she granted herself a sip of coffee.

„What's wrong?" I nervously chewed on my lower lip.

„I...I had a date last night with a boy from my school. I told you about him once. His name is Quentin Jones." My mom nodded and took another sip.

„Well, at first it was pretty good. He was polite and courteous, but during the evening he was getting incredibly rude. He held me in his car wanted to sleep with me. As I made clear to him that I didn't want that, he has asked me to get out of the car. Then he drove away."

My mom was twisting her face stunned during my portrayal of the date and tiny wrinkles around her eyes became visible.

„And you're telling me in all seriousness that nothing had happened? Why did you lie to me?" She looked at me reproachfully. I groaned.

„Mom, I know you. You would have made another revolt, because you're always worried about me for no reason and you're home since not more than ten minutes. I wanted you to arrive in peace."

„But my worries seem justified when something like that happens to you."

„It's not that bad. Nothing bad happened to me, as you see. I sit, still intact, at the kitchen table."

„You don't have to downplay the incident, Holly. It's perfectly normal if were afraid in that situation", meanwhile she took my left hand, which lay on the table and caressed it. I smiled and looked at her.

„I was afraid, but that stopped after Quentin was out of my reach. That guy is nothing more than an idiot who wanted to act strong. So, could we maybe talk about something else?", I asked frantically.

„Good", she replied, but I could tell by her face that the issue Quentin Jones hadn't been over for her yet.

„Just one more question: where did he drop you off?" _Dropping off was clearly the wrong choice of words for a painful kick out of the car_ , I thought. Why did she want to know that? Did she feel that I was lying to her again? I avoided her penetrating gaze and stared at the tabletop.

„Just a few blocks from here", I muttered.

When I looked up, a sceptical look hit me, but she didn't say anything. Instead, the skepticism changed to curiosity.

„What are your plans for today?" I thought hard. Actually, I wanted to stay at home, but my mom would probably interpret that as a retreat from the outside world because of my _traumatic experience_.

„I wanted to visit Linda. Maybe we'll go into the city", I finally spoke.

„Nice, but don't be home too late, we want to spend some time with you as well. After all, we haven't seen you for two weeks."

I nodded. My mom emptied her cup with a few sips, put it in the sink and stayed at the kitchenette. You could hear birds chirping and cars passing from the outside.

„I'm going upstairs and tidy up my room before I go to Linda. It's still too early to visit her."

Energetic I jumped from my seat, strode past my mom and dashed, with fluttering hair, up the stairs to my room.

I slammed the door shut and breathed deeply in and out, leaning against the wall. I had survived the interrogation of my mom and I told her half the truth. I hated it when she questioned me. Of course I was also happy that my parents were back, because I had felt alone, but I could honestly live without the motherly care.

I hastily walked through my room and began to clean up the desk at the window, so that I could partly use it for my homework later. I neatly stacked the school books and placed them next to a dried flower on the windowsill. Not very soft I stuffed the pencils in the penholder and I slid the loose sheets of paper into the drawer. Then I turned to my bed.

Since I still had plenty of time left before I went to Linda, I shook the two pillow more extensive than usual and folded the blanket meticulously. I threw the purple bedspread over it loosely. Proud, I looked at my work. My room hadn't looked that tidy in the last three years.

I glanced at the clock. It was six o'clock. Time seemed to pass slowlier as usual on that day. Since I had nothing else to do I lay down on my bed and stared at the ceiling. I could hear the footsteps of my parents in the hallway, who moved frantically back and forth. They were probably still unpacking their luggage.

And suddenly, without being able to do anything about it, pictures of the stranger shot through my head and the infinite number of questions that had been building up in me, returned to my consciousness.

 _Why was he in that alley? Why has he pulled me into the niche and hold my mouth shut? Was it because of the other people, who I've heard in the darkness? Who even are they? Are they really friends of him, who only joked around with him or are there other backgrounds to it?_

But the most important question to me was, who he was. I definitely wanted to know it, but I had absolutely no clue how I could find out. Maybe I'd randomly meet him again in the city or perhaps he was new and would go to my school .

While I thought about that, I realized how absurd this idea was. Such coincidences just didn't exist.

I would never see him again. Him and his fascinating eyes. I sighed sadly. While I continued to stare at the ceiling, my eyelids were getting heavier, until I finally fell into a dreamless sleep.

When I woke up, it was already 02:00 o'clock pm. I was probably more tired than I thought.

Extensively I stretched, bones often making a cracking sound. I decided that now was the right time to pay Linda a visit. In a good mood, I left my room and hopped down the steps.

Down the hallway were still standing two suitcases, which hadn't yet been unpacked. From the living room, I heard murmurs. I went to the open door and stopped in the doorway. My parents sat on the gray couch. Quiet, the television was on in the background while the two talked. I cleared my throat. The heads of my parents jumped in my direction.

„What is it, Holly?", my dad asked and smiled. Apparently my mom didn't tell him about our conversation this morning, because otherwise he wouldn't be that happy, but on full rage and probably on the verge of getting the guy who had dared to molest his little daughter.

„I wanted to go over to Linda now. I think, I'll be back for dinner."

„Good. Have fun", my dad said and again, gave a happy smile to me, before he and my mom turned away again. I grabbed my brown jacket and left the house. The weather was still winterly, even though it was already in the middle of March.

With a firm pace I walked along the Walnut Street and after just eight minutes, I stood in front of the house of my best friend. This was also small with a blue roof, but the facade was sunny yellow. I felt a lot warmer inside when I looked at the color. I walked along the stone path to the house, jumped over two steps to the porch and rang the bell.

Inside the house, a bell-like sound could be heard. I hoped that someone was home, because sometimes Linda went on a trip with her family on weekends. I waited while the wind totally messed my hair up and made me tremble.

Suddenly the door was opened with a strong jerk and Linda stood before me. She had a round face, which was framed by curly blonde hair. Her warm brown eyes looked at me kindly, but a little surprised as well.

„Hi, Holly. We didn't want to meet up today, did we?"

„No, it's a spontaneous visit, or, to be more precise, an alibi visit, so that I don't have to sit at home with my parents and listen to annoying questions. Should I have called?", I asked uncertainly.

„Nah, it's all right. My parents and Eli aren't home anyway. They're at an art exhibition in the city that I didn't want to see. But what's more interesting now, why are your parents annoying you again? I thought they were still on vacation?"

„Not anymore. They came back today. I'll tell you what happened inside, because it's pretty cold out here", I said, rubbing my hands.

„Oh, sure, come on in." She stepped aside so I could enter the house.

Immediately the warmth, that filled the hallway, wrapped itself around me. Linda closed the door behind me. I hung my jacket in the wardrobe and followed my friend in her room on the first floor. It was slightly bigger than mine and painted bright blue.

While I sat on the little white sofa opposite the bed, Linda went down one more time to get us something to drink. I took off my shoes, swung my legs onto the couch and pulled them to my body. Hopefully that would help to warm me up faster.

Loud footsteps announced Lindas return. In one hand she held a bottle of orange juice and two glasses in the other. She placed both on a side table, then poured the juice into the glasses and handed one of them to me. I thanked her and took a sip.

„So, out with it, what was going on at your house?"

„My mom almost died of worry, when I told her about my date. She constantly asked me whether everything is okay with me. Totally annoying I tell you." I rolled my eyes.

„Oh yeah, your date with Quentin. How was it?" She looked at me expectantly and bounced up and down in her seat. At that moment she reminded me of a little girl who is eager to hear a fairy tale. Unfortunately there was no happy ending for this fairy tale. Therefore, I could only, grinning, shake my head, because of her behaviour.

„Calm down first, Linda." With an apologetic look the paused.

„I only say one word: Nightmare" Horrified, she stared at me with big eyes.

„Honestly? How come?"

And another time that day, I told someone what happened, with the exceptions that I told her everything, not just half the story, as I had done with my mom. It wasn't like I trusted Linda more than my own mother, but she just wasn't overprotective and was constantly worried about me, so I could confidently tell her about the stranger in the alley. After I had finished my story, she gave me a pitying look.

„I'm really sorry about the thing with Quentin, no wonder that your mom has been upset. What an asshole." The last words were full of rage.

„I know, but unfortunately, the time isn't reversible." I took another sip from my glass.

„Maybe it was better that way. I mean, not that I would have wished you the rain and the long walk", she said appeased with raised hands after I gave her an angry look.

„I just want to say that you would never have got to know the other guy you are crazy about, without this miserable date." I crossed my arms over my chest.

„I'm not crazy about him. I just noticed that he has beautiful eyes."

„You don't need to defend yourself." She grinned at me sassy.

„In addition, you can't call it getting to know someone." I snorted. „More like, I've seen him, Linda. I haven't exchanged a single word with him. I know absolutely nothing about him."

Disappointed, I looked into my glass that I was still holding in my hand. Linda gave me an encouraging smile and hugged me. We remained in this position for a few minutes.

„Maybe you'll meet him again. You know the saying: you always meet twice in a lifetime."

Once again I wondered about her sheer endless optimism. I wish I could believe in the same thing, without thinking about how unlikely another meeting between us was. Instead of contradicting her, I nodded barely noticeable and she broke the embrace. During the further course of our conversation, we dropped the subject.

Instead we talked about our parents and why sometimes they brought us up the wall, the school with its annoying obligations and teachers and finally about our classmates. The bottle of juice was quickly empty and Linda had to go downstairs once again.

Casually, I let my eyes wander around her room and discovered pictures of us from last year right away. One shot came from last Halloween. We were dressed up as a bride and groom, while I mimed the groom. In the photo I was holding Linda in my arms, as if I wanted to carry her over the doorstep.

Then I looked at the blue clock that hung next to the photos and I realized that I had only three minutes left to arrive home in time for dinner. As if stung by a tarantula, I jumped up and sprinted down to the kitchen. There, Linda stood before the open refrigerator.

„I have to go now. I've promised my parents to be back home for dinner. I'm sorry, Linda", I explained quickly and hugged her goodbye.

„No problem", she mumbled, perplexed. I went downstairs, put on my jacket and stepped through the door into a windy and cold evening. I felt guilty because I stormed out of Linda's house so suddenly and just left her like this. Hopefully she wasn't angry with me.

I increased my tempo. My lips shivered and the pitiless wind whipped my face.

Once home I walked straight into the kitchen. I still wore my jacket.

Completely out of breath, I sat down at the table where my dad already was. He looked up from a computer magazine, which he held in his big hands, and raised an eyebrow.

„Have you got a marathon behind you or why are you so out of breath?"

„I..." I stopped and breathed deeply first, before I went on.

„I totally forgot the time at Linda's and then I had only meager three minutes to get here. I didn't want to be late and have therefore sprinted the whole way."

„And that's also why you are still wearing your thick jacket. Due to time pressure." Amused, my dad looked up and down on me. Embarrassed, I mumbled a yes, quickly took off the jacket and hung it over my chair.

On the table were already a fresh salad with mushrooms and peppers and steaming mashed potatoes.

My mom came rushing and took care of the steaks, which happily fried in a pan.

With a fork, she put the finished pieces on a wide plate and turned around. A surprised expression appeared on her face, apparently she didn't notice me before.

„Since when are you back again, Holly?", she asked and sat down next to me. Instantly, my dad fished a steak on his plate with a fork.

„I came a few minutes ago", I replied and took a good portion of salad, as I only now noticed how hungry I was.

During the meal, I had to give them information about the events at school in the past two weeks and had to listen to detailed reports about their holiday.

After we had eaten, I excused myself to my parents and went to my room. Slowly I got changed and even though it was only half past eight, I went to bed and fell to sleep soon after.


	3. Pressure, stress, learning

The next day was a Sunday. Bright sunlight pierced through the window, because I forgot to draw the curtains. I rolled back and forth and tried, trying to go back to sleep despite the brightness.

Unsuccessfully.

I gave up eventually, left the warm bed, dragged myself into the bathroom and got ready. After that I went downstairs quietly because I didn't know if my parents were still asleep. I sat down in the living room and turned on the TV.

Bored, I flipped through the channels, but nothing caught my interest so I went into the kitchen. There, I put cereal into a bowl and poured milk into it.

Then I sat down on top of the brown kitchenette and began to eat. I stirred around in the bowl, once clockwise and then in the other direction. The cereal flakes followed the swirl and whirled around. As I looked up, my dad stood in the doorway.

„How come you're awake that early? Earlier than your mother and I?" He walked past me and opened the fridge.

I shrugged.

„No idea, but I bet that it will be different tomorrow, when I have to get up early and go to school." A smile crossed my dad's face.

He poured milk into a glass and put it back into the fridge.

„How was it with Linda yesterday? We talked so much about our journey that I completely forgot to ask you about that."

„It was alright. We talked for a long time and laughed a lot."

„That's nice. You're lucky to have such a good friend and that since... How many years have you known each other for again?" Clueless, he scratched his head.

„For ten years, dad." I constantly had to remind him of something. His long-term memory wasn't the best.

„Exactly. You've been friends for ten years now. That is a long time, especially at your age." I could absolutely not explain why he pointed out how special my friendship with Linda was. I knew about that since the first time I jumped around a playground with her.

„Oh, before I forget to ask, have you done your homework already?" He looked at me seriously.

When it came to school, whether it concerned grades or homework, my dad was very strict. Again and again he asked how school was going. He used to help me with math from time to time, my most hated subject number one.

This „tuition" had mostly been a disaster because my dad quickly got impatient and when I told him that I would never understand math in my life, he had yelled, leaving the room, furious and for the rest of the day he would be in a bad mood and hardly approachable.

„Partly", I lied and kept eating the cereal. I hope that my dad wouldn't keep on asking, but such luck was not granted to me.

As always when he learned that I had not for hours silently sat at the desk and concentrated on the homework, he knew no stopping.

„Why only partially, Holly? You know very well that you should not always defer everything until the last minute. I remember two or three teachers who told me at the parents' evening that you often didn't have your homework."

Inwardly, I complained about the teachers and rolled my eyes when my dad was not looking.

„I know, dad, and I'm sorry that sometimes I have neglected my duties, but I swear to you as soon as I finished breakfast, I'll do the rest", I said guiltily, raising a hand like doing an oath in court, as I had often seen it on TV.

He grumbled something unintelligible under his breath and nodded absently. Apparently this promise was enough for him, somehow at least.

Before he could ask more, I put the empty bowl in the sink and went back upstairs.

Actually I wanted to move the stack of homework to tonight, but the meaningfulness of my dad was stronger than I had thought. So I sat down at the desk and began to write an essay for English class. Since I was pretty good at English, it was pretty easy for me. But in the other subjects I unfortunately wasn't progressing as fast.

I quitted history halfway through the given task, I did biology rather superficial and math, I had not even begun with. I gave up faster than it was good, but why should I fool myself. I was a total failure at math and had no desire to torment me with formulas and graphs.

Since I was busy with homework for a few hours, the rest of the day flew by. And before I knew it, I was in bed, dreaming of gray eyes and red dresses.

A shrill, high ringing interrupted my sleep. I groped for the alarm in the dark. As my left hand had captured a square block, I pressed the button. All of the sudden, it was dead silent. I'd rather turn around and go back to sleep, but I pulled myself together, went to shower and stood, like almost everyday, desperately in front of the closet.

After 20 minutes, I decided to wear long brown trousers and a short-sleeved, dark blue blouse. When I arrived in the hallway, I saw that both the jacket of my dad, as well as my mom's were already missing at the cloakroom. My mom, who worked as a nurse at the hospital, had probably morning shift and my dad also started his work as an insurance expert early. In the kitchen, I grabbed an apple, bit into it with relish and looked out the window. Outside, there was a gray and cloudy sky. Thick fog hang over the roofs of the houses.

Well, that's what I call good weather, I thought wryly, grimacing. I ate the apple down to the core. Then I grabbed my backpack and left the house.

It was unexpectely warm and I began to sweat under my thick jacket. I went to my second hand Ford Focus Hatchback, which my parents had given to me on my 16th birthday recently.

It was white, so that the dirt which stuck to the outer sides stabbed one directly in the eye. It was probably time to wash the car again. That would be the third time since I had it. Maybe I should pay more attention to the cleanliness of my car, after my parents had spent money on the car and complained almost every day, when they saw it standing in the driveway after work, about its condition.

Then I always said that one should never judge anything or anyone because of their appearance. This wisdom got me acidified gazes every time I used it.

I got in and turned in the reverse gear. The stick shift could only be moved with great effort so it took some time until I finally drove down from the driveway onto the street.

Despite these and other quirks, I was glad to have an own car and not be dependent on my parents.

The ride to my high school took half an hour. At a stoplight, I had taken off my jacket and thrown behind me. All the while the air in the car had been warm and a faint smell of old rubber had mixed with it. I didn't know where the smell came from. Was that the smell of this used car or was something wrong with it? Best I first asked my dad and if he had no idea where the smell came from, I would have to visit a service station.

In the parking lot of the school a few other cars and their owners were already visible. With a great swerve I parked my car a bit away from the others. I wanted to leave comfortably later and not squeeze past outside mirrors and risk triggering an alarm. I got out and looked for my backpack and jacket in the back seat.

„Hi", I heard a familiar voice say. Zack Pierce stood behind me. He was a plump, small boy with a sunny disposition and a good friend of mine. Today he wore a loose-fitting jeans and a little blue narrow checkered sweater that still underlined his pudgy belly.

"Hi, how are you, Zack?"  
"Good. How was your weekend?"  
"Nice," I replied and put on a smile. "And yours?", I asked while we were on the way to the main entrance.  
"Good. I was at Sebastian's birthday. We were in the woods, there is a new paintball facility there. It's super cool, I tell you. I was really good."  
When I looked over at him, his bright eyes were not to be overlooked. I shook my head and rolled my eyes.  
"Boys. A with colorful paint filled gun is enough to fascinate them and spend hours with it." He lightly poked me in the side.  
"Yes, Holly, I know I am childish."

Then I pushed him as hard as I could and he crashed into a blue VW Golf. Simultaneously we bursted out laughing. We were still laughing as we entered the school building. Before us was the whitewashed corridor with the ugly green lockers, which dragged on endlessly.

On the walls were various posters, school events or parties announced. Those were the only spots of color that broke the depressing atmosphere. The, with gray linoleum covered, floor stuck under my sneakers, because of that a disgusting sucking sound was heard with every step.

Many students were either in small groups and talked animatedly or were rummaging the books for today's lesson from their closets. Many did their homework till the last minute or simply copied it from someone else. Even Zack had to go to his locker again. Since I had everything there and had to go in the other direction to history anyway, I said goodbye until the lunch break. I trotted listlessly down the hall to room 105.

Once there, I went to my seat by the window, grabbed my notepad and the history book and laid it on the white table. Like all the others, I waited for the start of our class.  
Some of my classmates greeted me when they came in. I only nodded because I wanted to avoid boring and banal conversations about sports, lessons, teachers or clothes. At such an early hour, I could do without it.

Two minutes after the bell rang, Mr. West, my history teacher, walked into the room. He was a stocky and almost bald man.

As usual, he only put his leather bag on the desk and then thoroughly wiped over his face with a mint-green handkerchief. This he did because he very quickly got into a sweat, as he explained after a student had asked him about that. I, in his place, would have never admitted in my life that I had problems with the overproduction of my sweat.

At the beginning of the lesson we discussed our homework. That was still bearable, but then Mr. West began to speak about the Second World War and I turned off my head automatically. I stared out the window and could see how the fog lifted slowly but surely. But this spectacle of nature could not captivate me for too long. Every now and then I scribbled poems on my paper or was playing Tic Tac Toe against myself.

When the bell rang, I yawned with relish. At last it's over, I thought and noted the homework written on the blackboard.  
After another class, this time it was biology, I was at the food counter in the cafeteria, impatiently waiting for the long queue to shorten, but it only did so at a snail's pace. Step by step.  
After ten minutes, that seemed to me like ten hours, I had managed to get a plate of spaghetti bolognese, a small salad and a chocolate pudding. I just looked for a free seat when I spotted Zack in the middle of the cafeteria. With a slightly wobbling tray I set myself in motion.

After I arrived at the table, I put my tray gently down and was glad that I didn't drop anything. I sat down on one of the uncomfortable plastic chairs and recognized some friends, who had already taken their seats at the table.

Zack sat opposite me and munched a hamburger. Next to him, I recognized Sebastian, a good friend of his, but I barely knew him. He had very short, blonde hair and a pudgy nose, which somehow did not fit his lanky body and narrow face. He and Zack were talking, probably about the birthday party at the weekend.  
Vanessa Greenwood, a nice and reserved girl with short brown hair, was engrossed in a book. She lifted her head only to push a fork with lettuce every now and then in her mouth. Mikaela and Mitch sat at the table as well. I knew both of them from math class.

They have been a couple for five months now and did everything together. They drove to school together, had the same hobbies and even ate the same things. I found their behavior strange and exaggerated to be honest. They clung to each other for almost 24 hours. Sure it was nice to be able to spend time with ones partner, but I thought that was a bit too much.

Right now they were passionately kissing each other and it seemed as if they never wanted to stop. I could hear the clacking of their tongues and as Mikaela reached into Mitch's shoulder-length hair, I turned away in disgust. Listlessly, I was poking the food around, but I had honestly lost my appetite and for the thousandth time, I wondered why they always had to do that while eating. The fact that we others wanted to eat, without having to constantly admire their snog, came obviously not to their minds.  
Still, in my mind, I envied them in my a little, even if I only reluctantly admitted that.

I missed a partner with whom I could share my worries and fears, which I could trust and with whom I could spend time with. I was slightly melancholic and my thoughts turned to the stranger with gray eyes again.

Despite the certainty that I would probably never meet him here, I looked up, craned my neck and looked around. Here and there I saw guys with brown hair similar to his, but when I looked at their faces, I never saw the one, which I secretly hoped for.

A sudden feeling of loneliness came over and crept up in me, but almost at the same moment a scratchy sound frightened me. To my right, Linda emerged.

"Is everything all right, Holly? You look sad. "She set down her tray and peered into my face. Was I really not able to hide my feelings? My face was more like an open book, which everyone could read whenever they wanted to.

"It's all right," I replied.  
"I see, that something is wrong, I've known you since we were small. So spit it out. "  
Actually I hated nothing more than to talk about my feelings, even with Linda, it was an uncomfortable topic for me. So I avoided her piercing gaze, but to my regret she did not let go.  
"Ignoring is helpless." I groaned.

"You know I can not stand it to talk about my feelings, but before you freak out completely, I'll better tell you what's going on." Linda's facial muscles relaxed.  
"I feel pretty lonely, especially when I see the two of them there." I pointed to the couple licking each other and Linda nodded sympathetically.

"Do you by any chance also think about the guy you have told me about on Saturday?"  
"Yes, though I don't want that. It would be easier if I forget him, but I can't." On her face a broad smile appeared.  
"Then you're obviously in love with him." Shocked, I stared at her.  
"You are crazy. I'm not in love with him, I don't even know him." What ever got into her to come to such an outlandish claim?

"Who are you in love with?" Vanessa asked with a voice so low that I could barely hear it. I had not noticed that she had looked up from her book and listened to us.  
"With no one," I replied angrily. I found it rude and brash that Vanessa had overheard us and now wanted to interfere in our conversation.  
"Linda just imagines something."  
"Oh." She went back to her book.

"Now do not get upset, Holly. I didn't mean that seriously." To compensate, she hugged me briefly and looked at me apologetically.  
"All right," I muttered, but I was still in a bad mood. Especially when I discovered the face of Quentin Jones on the opposite side of the cafeteria, who laughed with some of his buddies at length about anything. His goofy grin gave the rest to me. I left my tray, stood up and stormed out of the cafeteria.

I breathed heavily, because I could hardly get air into my lungs. I had to get out of here, so I ran toward the parking lot.  
I sat down on the steps in front of the school, leading to the entrance and tried to calm myself down. I greedily breathed in the air, trying hard to think of other things, such as the possibly forthcoming visit to the service station. Surprisingly, it worked.  
I enjoyed the silence and the weak sunbeams that blazed through the clouds and then warmed my face. Unfortunately, I was not alone for long, because I heard footsteps behind me. I closed my eyes, trying to shut myself out from the outside world.  
"Why did you ran out so rashly?", asked the voice of Zack. I heard that he sat down beside me. His breathing was irregular because he probably followed me as fast as possible.  
"I don't want to talk about it, Zack."  
"Well, I just stay here and we can be silent together." I opened my eyes, looked at him gratefully and put my head on his shoulder. I liked that about Zack. He didn't squeeze anything out of me. Instead, he accepted it, if I did not want to talk and gave me quiet consolation.  
There wasn't much time granted to us, because the annoying bell rang and called for the next lesson. Zack stood up and reached out a hand to me. I took it and with a jerk he pulled me up to him.  
"Thank you."  
"No problem."  
In front of the school building, he smiled at me again encouragingly, then he turned and went back in .  
After I had gotten an English lesson behind me, I finally got back to the parking lot.  
As I was still looking for the car keys in my backpack, Linda appeared out of nowhere and leaned against the car door.  
"I'm sorry, Holly, from the bottom of my heart. I did not want to offend, or to make fun of you, really. I will never speak about the topic again. Promise."  
She crossed the middle and index fingers of the right hand. Slightly annoyed I looked up from my backpack.  
"It's all forgotten, Linda." With my left hand I finally pulled out the key.  
"I'm sorry, but I have to go."  
Offended she looked at me, but I did not care, because I had a reason to be offended, not her. I just wanted to go home. On the way I turned on the radio as loud as I could. The bass boomed against the closed windows and deafened my ears.  
With a loud screeching halt I stopped in our paved driveway after short time. I marched straight into the house and went looking for something sugary in the kitchen.

Sugar always helped when I was in a bad mood, but to my luck I found nothing and so I trotted up to my room, threw the backpack on my unmade bed and sat down on the rotating desk chair. With one foot I pushed and put the chair in motion. Steadily I put more power in the foot, turning faster and faster on the same spot. My room roared past me in a variety of colors before my eyes.  
Stupid Linda, I thought. Why did she have to intervene constantly? Could she not be a bit like Zack? Furious, I narrowed my eyes and my forehead furrowed.  
I should have never told her about the stranger. I was hoping for her understanding and above all silence, but nice Linda prefered to trumpet everything out. Outraged, I snorted.  
Slowly, I felt sick on the rotating chair. I gently stopped. Everything still swirled around before my eyes, but I stood up and staggered to the bed like a drunk.  
There I lay until the furniture no longer turned. It was clear that I needed and wanted to distract myself, but how? The only thing that occurred to me was doing homework, but was I really desperate enough to consider homework as a diversion? Probably, because I actually grabbed my math book and was surprised by myself.  
Full of enthusiasm, I set to work, but five minutes later I closed the book in frustration. I understood nothing. Why had a subject like math to even exist? I groaned in exasperation. I was just too stupid to look behind the closed doors of mathematics. There was only one who could help me and that was Zack. I immediately grabbed my phone. It rang three times before he answered it.  
"What's up?", he asked immediately.  
"I once again have problems with math. Can you come by perhaps? I owe you one then." No answer. He probably thought about it. He had time, hopefully. At the end of the line came a coughing.  
"Sure, I come over. I know how helpless you're without me." He laughed. "I'm with you in about 20 minutes. See you soon."  
"Thank you, you saved my life."  
In no time I provisionally cleaned my room, after all, he did not necessarily have to see the chaos that I had caused within a few hours.  
Then I looked in the kitchen for something to eat, something I could offer Zack. I just found fruit, I draped on a plate when I heard the roaring exhaust from Zacks very old red Chevrolet outside, which he had inherited from his late uncle.  
Since no other family member had found use for the scrap heap, Zack had taken it with him and overhauled it of course, with the help of a mechanic, as Zack had two left hands, he frequently proved in crafts class. Meanwhile, the Chevrolet began to move without pushing, but the exhaust and the engine were still deafening and when you sat in the car for a while, the eternal roaring got one on the nerves.

Of course, I had never told Zack that, he was incredibly proud of the Chevrolet and his work.  
I was in front of him at the door before him and opened it. Zack just came up the steps of our porch. His face, however, I could not see because it was hidden by a pile of books, notepads and a file folder.  
"Hi," he managed to say between two noisy breaths. I held the door open for him and let him in.  
"Shall I take something?", I asked anxiously, as the construction looked very fragile. He shook his head vigorously.

"Okay, but be careful. We better go into my room."  
Puffing, he walked up the stairs. I was right behind him.  
Once or twice, it looked as if he would drop the books and the other stuff, but fortunately nothing happened.  
I followed him in my room, where he dropped everything on the desk. The file folders and books slid to the side and pushed almost all my stuff off the table.

"Watch it,", I whispered and clutched my school stuff protectively .  
"Sorry,", he mumbled and piled the goods he brought neatly back together.  
"What's all this?", I asked, putting my things on the bed with precaution.  
"Well, math books, my notes from the last six months and these ...", Zack tapped his right forefinger on the file folder, "... are my all records of the past three years."  
I was confused and overwhelmed at the same time.

"But I don't need all that, I just want you to help me with my homework."  
"I won't make it that easy for you, Holly. We'll write an important test soon, as you hopefully know. Luck alone will not help you there."

He raised an admonishing forefinger and frighteningly resembled my Dad when he remembered me of my school duties.  
"I think you're exaggerating nevertheless. The records from the last half of the year would have been enough,", I replied, because I feared the worst.

"You are missing the important basics, and that means that you have to make up for it, otherwise you'll never learn the rest."  
"I didn't get the damn basic knowledge, as we have discussed it, Zack. I'm just a nut in math!"  
"With my help, you can do it all." He had more confidence in me than myself.

"If you say so, but how should do that exactly, please? I still have other things to do." Stunned, I flipped the file folders and only discovered, to my annoyance, fully written pages. He patted me on the shoulder.

"Don't worry, with a neat schedule you won't even stumble." I rolled my eyes.  
"Zack, first off, I hate it when you say such ridiculous and old-fashioned formulations such as "to stumble" you know that. And secondly, a schedule is completely unnecessary." He shrugged.  
"It's your decision, also it was just a suggestion. So, we want to start?"  
He sat down on the desk chair. Reluctantly, I took the white wooden chair that stood in a corner of the room, and sat on it backwards. Three hours Zack tormented me with functions, equations, geometry and statistics. My head buzzed and felt incredibly heavy.  
At six pm he went home, but left me his documents there, so I could learn further or look something up. Done and tired I cleaned everything aside and wanted to lie down just when I stopped and paused.  
Finally, the thought of the impending test let me take the documents into my hands again.


	4. Face to face

The next two weeks were filled with learning, learning, and learning some more. Thank God Zack helped me once, twice a week, which brought me further and some locked doors in my head opened. During this time I knew more about mathematics than in recent years. I should have learned with Zack much sooner that would have saved me so some D's and E's in math.

The test, in any case, by my standards, went well. Even my math teacher, Mr. McKenzie had been positively surprised about my C- and even had words of praise left for me. I was very proud of myself and had floated on a cloud of elation.  
Even my mom was thrilled, but my dad had once again made an exception. At dinner he had told me that I, despite the enhanced score, must continue to learn and that would be associated with hard work, discipline and concentration. I only agreed with him so that the subject was off the table. It was futile to argue with him.  
Today was Saturday and I was looking frantically forward for the evening. My parents had allowed me, because of the math score, to go into the 38°, a nightclub downtown, with Linda and Vanessa tonight.

The 38° was one of the most popular clubs in the city and every weekend it was crowded.  
No wonder. The music, the drinks and the atmosphere were absolutely top notch.  
Unfortunately, I was rarely there, because my mom worried too much about me when I was in a large room full of strangers who could rob or injure me anytime. Sometimes I wondered if my mom knew I was already 16 years old.

But as I had talked my parents long enough into it and even had a good reason, a reward for my good grade, I stood in the shower and got ready for a fun evening.  
I put on a purple top, black hot pants and black ballet flats. Equipped with a can of hairspray, I went to the mirror and just sprayed it. I quickly ruffled my hair and gave myself a wild look. I liked my reflection and I hopped joyfully down the steps. In the corridor, I met my mom, who looked at me with a critical eye, while I put on my jacket.

"Do you seriously want to go out the door with that outfit?"  
"Yes", I said curtly, further ignoring her.  
"This is much too short and it is incredibly cold." Could she not let me go without a comment?  
"Mom, I take the car and it's always hot in the club, long pants would only be annoying." I sounded rather annoyed. Unexpectedly fast she admitted defeat.  
"Well, then I wish you a nice evening and enjoy yourself." Had she noticed herself that I wouldn't change my mind or had my annoyed undertone moved her to rethink? I bet more on the second one. She kissed me on the forehead as a goodbye.

"I will. But now I have to get going." I hurried past her to escape further kisses.  
It was cold outside, as my mom had said, so I pulled my jacket tighter around me. It was already dark and the road was only dimly lit by lanterns. I quickly sat down in the Ford and immediately turned the heater on.  
Before I made myself on the way to the club, I picked up Linda and Vanessa, as arranged. I was surprised that Vanessa came along because she was so quiet and introverted, but when we talked about tonight in the cafeteria yesterday, she had insisted that Linda and I took her with us. We had said yes and I was glad she was there. That was perhaps the best possibility to see behind her calm facade a little.

The argument I'd had with Linda, had been already forgotten the next day and we had agreed to never speak about my experiences on this particular evening again.  
Now Linda sat next to me and fumbled around on the radio. Vanessa had taken place at the back and looked dreamily out the window in the encroaching darkness.  
"Why is there just crap on the radio?", Linda sobbed and turned the knob continuously back and forth.  
"Just leave it", I asked her because I did not like hectic movements while I was driving.

Resigned she dropped her hand.  
"Is it still far away?", Vanessa asked in the backseat. Through the rearview mirror I could see how she still incessantly stared outside.

"No. We are soon in downtown, from there it is not far to the club." Absent, she nodded. What was up with her? Did she prefer to turn back and go home or was she nervous? I thought nothing of it.  
When I had finally found a parking place near the city center after several minutes, the three of us made us on the way to 38°, which was only a few meters to the south. In the city a few shops were lit up in still light that irradiated the goods offered. A few people ran past us quickly and with heads bowed down.

All the while, we did not exchange a single word with each other. I went ahead a bit and lost Linda and Vanessa out of sight. At the next corner, I turned right and had a direct view of a high and relatively wide building.  
The brightly lit numbers in neoncolors stabbed me in the eye. The light was so bright that one could hardly see the adjacent buildings. One got the impression that only the disco 38° existed in this place, where it floated mystically in the dark and the people were magically attracted like moths to a flame.  
Next to me there was a breathy "Wow" from Vanessa. She was obviously overwhelmed. As if hypnotized, she stared at the sign. I chuckled at her reaction, while I her dragged her at her arm behind Linda and me.

It was not surprising that the queue almost came to no end in front of the club. We stood behind a young couple and prepared for a longer wait. It became increasingly colder and the stupid wind whistled around our ears. I froze in my skimpy shorts and wanted to get inside badly. My companions didn't feel different, judging by their trembling knees.  
Trembling, I looked at the clock. It was 8:53 pm. Impatiently I shifted from one foot to the other. Couldn't it go faster?  
After we were almost frozen, we finally stood before the bull-like bouncers. He was dressed entirely in black and had very short brown hair that resembled a soldier.  
We kept our passports at his eye level, which proved to be quite difficult, because he was at least two heads taller than us. At first he eyed the cards and then each of us from top to bottom with a critical and rigorous expression.

After a few seconds he waved us in with a volatile gesture. We hurriedly walked past him.  
Once we were inside, a very warm air struck us. Little beads of sweat formed on my forehead. The wardrobe was at the left in a tube-like corridor. I had my problems getting past the people who came towards us. I felt like a sardine in a tight box. We gave our jackets to a blonde woman who smiled at us friendly.  
The wardrobe was very dimly lit and I had to make an effort to see the outfits of my companions. Linda wore a short white pleated skirt plus a red top. Vanessa seemed unadventurous with her jeans and a plain yellow shirt. She looked around uncertainly. There were beads of sweat on her forehead, which sparkled in the light. No wonder when she wears long pants. She will regret this decision.  
Linda walked in before us with good mood and disappeared around the next corner. Vanessa and I could no longer see her. I playfully rolled my eyes, after which Vanessa smiled gently.  
I felt a little sorry for her. All the new impressions intimidated her noticeably. I could only hope that she would relax during the evening.

I had time until midnight to get her to like the 38°, because at 12 am the rule for minors was: out of the club.  
As we both also turned around the corner, Linda had disappeared behind, we found ourselves on a long flight of stairs and had a great view of the entire interior. In front of us was the huge dance floor covered with the dark soil.  
A mass of people danced to the fast and loud beat of the music. Around the dance floor, which took most of the space, there was a sitting area and in some distance one could see the long, brightly lit bar counter. In the big room it was really hot and breathing was becoming heavy for me. The various lights, which were attached to the ceiling, were throwing circles on everything and everyone.  
I poked Vanessa, who was beside me. Startled, she looked at me, because I had probably torn her brutally from her thoughts. I pointed down to symbolize her that I wanted to go down. She nodded slightly embarrassed and followed me down the stairs to the dance floor. All the while I was looking for Linda, but I could find her nowhere.

We'll meet eventually, I thought, and fought my way through the crowd up to the middle of the dance floor ahead of us. However, I had frequently jostled people by accident, throwing an apologetic look their way.

Arriving at my destination, I looked behind me to see if Vanessa came after me or whether she had been delayed. I did not see her and thought I must have lost her on the way, but then she was right by my side and trying hard not to touch anyone. Encouragingly, I smiled at her and started to slowly adjust to the rhythm of the music and the others. Few moments were needed to merge with the crowd. I closed my eyes and focused exclusively on the music beat. From time to time I touched foreign arms or hands.  
The heat was almost unbearable and I gasped for breath, but I did not stop to dance. I opened my eyes again to look after Vanessa, but she was gone. She probably went away, when I had my eyes closed and didn't pay attention to her. I was angry and disappointed.  
She could have at least let them know that she did not like to dance anymore and not simply make a hasty retreat. That wasn't very polite.

Nevertheless, I danced and danced and danced. I felt free and weightless. The circles of light shone on my fair skin.  
Meanwhile, the club was constantly becoming fuller and more people were cavorting on the dance floor. Not infrequently, an elbow dug into my back or somebody stood on my feet. I was drenched in sweat and the heat befuddled my mind. My breathing was ragged and my blood rushing through my veins.

As if in a trance, I made a big step backwards and bumped against something hard. I staggered and saw myself hit the ground when an arm wrapped around my waist and brought me into balance. I whirled around and felt my breathe taken away.  
It was my "rescuer". His steel-gray eyes boring into mine. I was unable to breathe and to move, because my knees went weak under his gaze.  
The only thing I did was stare at him like a lunatic. The points of light danced on his dark clothing and his face.

He was wearing black pants and a hazel tight sweater who brought his strong upper body to good effect. Unlike me, he was barely sweating, at least I could not see a single drop of sweat. Everything disappeared around me. For me, there was only him and me close together in the dark. The situation reminded me of our first meeting.

Unfortunately, he let me go again and the others appeared again as if using magic. I was a little disappointed, but it did not let it show. And then I heard his voice for the first time. He had bent down to my ear, getting past my mouth dangerously close. In my excitement I was shaking.

"Shall we not talk in peace?", he whispered. His breath tickled my ear and my neck hairs rose. His voice was lighter than expected, but had a rough finish. In all my life I had never heard anything like it.  
I nodded absently. He turned on the spot and briskly left the dance floor. I came to my senses again and hurried after him because I was afraid of losing sight of him. Due to his height, he towered over most heads. My eyes were constantly directed to his head, while I, as best as I could, was pushing through the crowd.  
After I had left the dance floor behind me, I could not discover him at first. Panic welled up in me. I had not left him out of sight, so how could I lose him? I frantically searched the whole area, to no avail.

Suddenly he was standing beside me and I wondered where he came from. He did not stop for long, but went to an empty seat group in a remote corner. I briefly wondered if I should follow him, especially in a dark place again, like that niche.  
My head said no, I did not know him after all and I could not be sure that he was harmless. My fast beating heart clearly cried yes. Luck was on my side once, because I had found him again, even though I had never believed that. Now I had to use the possibly only chance I had. So I listened to my heart once more, instead to my head, although I had had a bad experience, as in the case with Quentin Jones.

Nevertheless, I went cautiously to him. He had taken a seat on a black leather chair and looked at me, as I squeezed me intently into the bench in the corner. Neither of us said a word. Silently we looked at each other, and I always had to look away because his eyes were beautiful but also scary.

Why does he not talk to me? After all, he was the one who has said that he wants to chat with me, and now? Since I was tired to be quite, I started the conversation with the question that tormentented me the most in the last few weeks and of which I had believed that I would never get an answer to it.  
"What is your name?" Surprised by my direct approach he smiled to me. The smile was warm and friendly, but his eyes showed nothing but cold and gave his face a strange expression that I could not describe.

I hastily looked on a bright white spot on the table and waited impatiently for his answer.  
"My name is James", he said. When I looked up, he reached out his big right hand. I put my hand in his and shook it.

"Holly", I mumbled and swallowed hard. I wondered about the uncertainty and nervousness that had afflicted me since James sat opposite me. Normally I had no problems speaking to guys, but I felt that he was different. James had a strong and exceptional aura.  
"And why did you want to talk to me?"  
"It was a spontaneous decision. I've seen you dance and I thought I knew you. Then I remembered that I met you in this alley. That's why I wanted to talk to you. I wanted to explain my behavior to you. "

His gaze was serious. I however nodded embarrassed. I did not expect that he would remember me, let alone recognize me. My nerves were stretched to the limit.  
"First of all, I wanted to apologize for my behavior. I've Probably scared you and that I hold you and put my hand on your mouth, would have been not absolutely necessary, but it was the only way to keep you quiet."

Incredulous and angry at the same time I looked at him. Is he about serious?  
"Why should I be quiet in your opinion?" James seemed to have noticed my acidified sound, for he immediately said that I had got it wrong.  
"I just wanted to protect you." I was confused and didn't know what he meant.  
"What does that mean, you only wanted to protect me? From what?"  
"Did you forget the steps that you have heard in the dark?"  
Of course I had not forgotten the steps, but I had thought that they had been friends of him.  
"No I did not."

"The steps belonged to two men. I had met them a few streets in front of the alley. They had probably been waiting for someone like me, who was alone, because they wanted to rob me. Since I have no chance against two men, I ran away, but they followed me. I won momentum and walked into the next lane. There I saw you and thought that if they meet you, it would not only stay a robbery. A young beautiful girl like you, they would have done much worse. That's why I have hidden you in the niche."  
Quiet, I had listened to James' story. He was actually being hunted. At least one of my theses had been proven right. The whole story made sense. He had saved me from two dangerous men and I had thought that he wanted to hurt or even kill me. I felt guilty and didn't know what to say.

How about a "Thank you", the annoying voice in my head said. Could I not switch it off for second, so that it made no disturbing observations in the worst situations?  
Suddenly I realized that he was watching me the whole time, which made me blush.  
"Thanks", I finally managed to say.  
"Do not mention it, but I recommend you not to be alone on the road at night. In this city there are more dangerous people than these two men."  
James gave me a penetrating look, which put me in fear. Instinctively I recoiled from the table and pushed me in the cushion of the seat. I did not know what he meant by that statement, but it was clearly a warning, I was absolutely sure of that. Amused, he grinned at me.  
"It was not my intention to scare you. I didn't think that you're so jumpy." Due to him grinning my muscles relaxed, but I did not like it that he was laughing at me. Offended I stuck out my lower lip.  
"I think it's nice that you can laugh at me." I moved back closer to the table.  
"Sorry", James said seriously.

More silence. I twirled a strand of hair around my finger. My hair was damp with sweat and my hair hung on my face. Incessantly, James stared at me with his gray eyes, but he blinked very rare. I found it uncomfortable and I wondered what he found so interesting about me.  
"Are you here alone?", he asked and thus broke the silence between us.  
"No, I'm with two friends."  
"Do you come here often?"  
"Unfortunately not. My parents are pretty strict on this issue." Why am I talking about my parents now?  
"And who are you here with?", I asked James quickly to distract him from my embarrassment.  
"I am alone." His voice had a strange undertone, but now I wanted to know more about him.  
"How old are you?"  
"I'm 18."

"And to which school are you going?" I suspected that he went to another school, because I had never seen him in my high school.  
"I no longer go to school."  
"Oh, and what are you doing? Do you study or do you work?"  
He did not answer, instead he walked around the table, took my hand and pulled me to the crowded dance floor. I wanted on the other hand wanted to head back and I continued to talk to him.  
He pulled me with all his strength with him, and I dragged him in the opposite direction. He however did not let himself get distracted by that. He maneuvered us skillfully through the crowd and stopped at a free location.

With a jerk James yanked my hand and the corresponding arm in the air and turned me around my own axis, before he pressed me to his strong body.  
My head was on his chest and I could hear his quiet heartbeat. My heart pounded wildly against it.  
We slowly danced back and forth, although the rhythm of the music boomed fast and loud above our heads. I was angry because he had pulled me away from the sofa without asking, but I did not complain, because for this I felt too comfortable and secure. Though, I would not let him get away so easily.

James owed me an answer, so I asked again what he was up to now.  
I looked up and watched the bright lights of the high ceiling, which got lost to infinity. Then I looked at his face. His eyes were glassy. He appeared to be elsewhere with his mind. I tapped him gently. Abruptly, he looked me in the eyes. His gaze was unfathomable.  
"I work as a courier", James said curtly. I decided to rather not dig deeper and snuggled even closer to him.

At our first meeting he had smelled like something burnt. Now, he gave off a harsh masculine scent that made him even more attractive.  
Between us there was an almost magical power and I wished that this moment never came to an end.  
But most requests were not fulfilled, as well as this. James raised his arm, looked at his silver watch, took a step back and let me go. The heat that had arisen between us disappeared, leaving nothing but cold.  
"I have to go now." He had already turned away when I took his left hand and held it.  
"Why?" It was clear that my question was brash, it basically was non of my interest.  
"I still have a package to deliver due midnight." James loosened each finger of my hand cupping his and left the dance floor. I followed him.

"Are we going to see each other again?", I asked desperately. He stopped so suddenly that I almost run into him.  
"Anything's possible", he whispered before disappearing in fast pace. I could not even follow him. Sad and disappointed I stayed behind. I went back to the sofa, where I had sat with James.  
I was terrified that it had been the last time that I saw him. Of course, I had not even dreamed to meet him one more time before this evening and even talking to him. But now that I knew he had saved me and how fascinating it was, I found it more difficult to remember that I might not see him again.

Linda had been right. I was in love with James. In love with a man about whom I knew almost nothing. I had probably already been when I saw him the first time. That was probably the legendary love at first sight, which I had always considered to be silly and cheesy.  
Now, however, I began to reconsider my mind and made myself serious allegations.  
Why have I not tried to go after him? I should have asked him for his phone number. I was annoyed because I hadn't used the given chance better.  
At that moment I did not want to be alone. I longed for Linda and Vanessa, so I looked for them and let my eyes sweep over the crowd. It was no surprise that I could not find them anywhere. I had honestly lost the fun to party.

I just wanted to go home, but first I had to find the two. Without them I could not drive. So I had no choice but to resume scanning the room, or to wait until they found me.  
I put my head on the hard table and closed my eyes. In my mind's eye the meeting with James showed again.  
Vigorous shaking on my shoulders startled me and let me come back to reality. Linda stood red-faced in front of me.  
Completely out of breath, she sat down opposite me and put a glass with an unfamiliar liquid on the table.

"You did not sleep, right?" She sipped her drink.  
"No, but I have no desire to stay here." Linda incredulously looked over her glass.  
"Are you serious? The atmosphere and the music are great. You're the one who one has to pull out of the club at midnight."  
"I know, but I am no longer in the mood."

"Why? Did anything happen? On Friday you were so enthusiastic about the idea to come here." Worried she looked at me.  
"I don't feel good. I have a stomach ache,", I lied and painfully twisted my face.  
"That's stupid." I nodded.

"Have you seen Vanessa somewhere? At first she was still with me, but then I have lost sight of her. I have to find her, we can not go without her. "  
"I have not seen her. Should I go looking for her? You can stay here, otherwise we are lost too."  
"Good." She stood up.

"Here", she said, pushing her glass towards me, "you can have the rest if you want."  
"Thanks", I replied. Linda disappeared towards the dancefloor. I could only wait. My throat burned and screamed for liquid. In one go I poured down the contents of the glass, but my hellish thirst was not quenched rudimentary and my impatience grew by the minute.

Just before I jumped up began searching for them by myself, I discovered Linda's curly head and behind her the short brown hair of Vanessa. They came to the table. Linda was all smiles, she was probably proud that she had found Vanessa. Vanessa, however was still looking around uncertainly and had her arms crossed in front of her chest.

"I found her in a corner, she stood there bored against the wall, watching the other people."  
Vanessa's cheeks were slightly flushed, but with her it was probably only the heat and not, as like for Linda and me, the dancing. She stepped to us and did not seem to know what to say. My gaze was dark. I was still mad at her.  
"Why did you just leave? You could have told me that you weren't in the mood", I snapped at her louder than I actually intended to. She looked to the floor in embarrassment. I could see that she felt uncomfortable.  
"I ... I did not mean to disturb you while dancing and spoil the fun. I'm sorry, I should have let you know."

My anger was gone. I did not want to be mad at her. I had the feeling that I was to blame, because I had simply dragged her onto the dance floor.  
"All right", my voice was soft. "Let's go home."  
We went to the stairs. The two were three steps ahead of me. It was slow, since even the staircase was besieged by people.

Was it permissible to let so many people in the club? It was obvious that there wouldn't fit anymore in here. As I went on, I suddenly heard a loud bang behind me.  
Puzzled I looked around for my friends. They came back down and stood next to me. They also did not seem to know what triggered this bang.  
From the dance floor came screams and loud, excited voices at us. Linda looked at me blankly. No one moved. I was completely overwhelmed and could not think straight. Like being rooted I stood on the stairs.

What was that bang? Why did the people shout?  
Had we missed a special effect, which had changed the mood in a moment? That could not be.  
The cries and the voices were terrified. And as if someone had previously pressed the stop button and let it go now, the crowd stormed off in panic. Without regard to losses jostling and shoving people.

A young man rammed his sharp elbow in my side and I stumbled.  
Luckily I could cling to the banisters. Linda had not been so lucky, because she stumbled and fell on the steps. Vanessa lunged after her and helped her up. Her right knee traversed a long crack, blood pouring out of it and running down her leg. We saved ourselves to a seat group. Linda sat down and examined her knee in the dim light. I looked at the crowd, which rushed towards the exit.  
Pure chaos erupted in Club.


	5. The Blood flows to the Beat

We stood close together. Still, I wondered what had happened. The loud and restless voices deafened my ears. So I didn't notice that Linda talked to me at first. She had to painfully drill a middle finger into my hip, so I was aware of her presence. Irritated, I looked at her.  
"Sorry", she shouted as loud as she could, "but do you know what's going on?"  
"No idea. We'll wait until the situation has calmed down. Is your knee all right?" The blood continued to flow down from her wound.

"Yes, don't worry, there are worse things." She smiled bravely.  
The volume has gradually become more tolerable and quiet. Merely a small number of club guests remained.  
Besides the three of us a few people hung on the bar stools. They didn't seem to have noticed the unrest, so befuddled were they by alcohol.

Where was chaos just now, there now was an eerie silence. The music was turned off, but the points of light of the headlights merrily continued to dance on the floor and the walls. I could not see anything unusual, but why did the others flee? We missed something.

"I want to look around briefly." I turned around to Linda and Vanessa.  
"We come with you." Linda stood up and limped over to me. I wanted to tell her that that was not necessary, but her face showed determination. They would come with me either way. With or without my permission.  
My senses were strained to the utmost. I looked around and in fact I discovered a black lump on the dance floor. From our previous angle one hadn't been able to see it. From the corner of my eye I noticed the unsettled features of Vanessa. I stopped and pointed at my discovery.  
"See that?" Linda nodded and looked in the same direction.  
"But what is that?"

"Maybe it's a spotlight that has fallen down from the ceiling", Vanessa commented. Her consideration was possible. A bang, as the headlight cracked down from the ceiling onto the hard ground and then erupting stampede.  
Slowly we approached the clump. Due to the lack of lighting I realized too late that it was impossible to be a spotlight. The outlines were not like a square, but irregularly. The height and length disagreed as well. It was flat and about 1.90m long, rather than high and short, as it was customary for a headlight. On closer inspection, I realized that the lump was covered with fabric.  
And suddenly a powerful stench of metal hit me. What was that? The air was hot and stuffy. I could hardly breathe.

Suddenly I opened my eyes in horror. All of a sudden, I was aware of what lay ahead. It was a human, or to be more precise a man. The fabric were his clothes. He wore light brown corduroy trousers, leather shoes and a burgundy shirt.  
When I was walking my startled look caught on his face, my barely existing breath stopped. His mouth was half open and I could see a row of white teeth. His remaining hair plastered to his head. However, the cruelest was the several centimeters big black hole gaping in his forehead.  
The deep red, fresh blood had run out of the wound on his face and on his clothes. A large amount of blood spatter stained the ground around him. Here, directly over the dead body, the penetrating smell of blood was overwhelming.

Nausea rose within me. I hit the right hand to my mouth, so that I wouldn't puke on the spot. I had to get out and to get out now. I whirled around in panic and ran full speed into Vanessa who stood behind me.

Her face was pale and she looked, as if she was sick.  
I stumbled, but luckily I caught myself again and ran. With full speed I hurried up the stairs. I dashed to the front door and ran onto the street. I heard no footsteps behind me. Linda and Vanessa did not follow me, but in that moment I didn't care.

With shaky legs I disappeared around the next corner. I could no longer hold back my nausea and vomited on an old, soaked by the rain, newspaper.  
When I had emptied my stomach, I leaned against a faded house wall and let myself gently slide down onto the hard asphalt. It was freezing cold and dark. I greedily sucked in the fresh air.  
I was glad it did not stink like blood here. The air melled of nothing and it was a relief to be able to breathe freely. My scantily clad body was shaking with cold. I wrapped my arms around myself. I had forgotten my jacket at the club. Again and again the pictures of the corpse urged into my consciousness. A corpse, which I had seen with my own eyes.

I was in shock. Silent tears ran down my face and moistened my cool skin. Again, a first beautiful evening had turned into a nightmare, but the botched date was not nearly as horrible as the sight of the corpse. Why had I gone there? Why I had given in to my curiosity? We should have left the club with the other people and gone home.

I thought of Linda and Vanessa and I wondered if they were doing as bad as me and where they were. I wanted to go look, but I did not manage to move my body. In all my life I had never felt so miserable, as at this moment. Again and again the recent happenings flashed in my head.  
Dancing. Heat. James. Corpse. Blood. Heat. Nausea. Dancing. Heat. James. Corpse. Blood. Heat. Nausea. Dancing. Heat. James. Corpse. Blood. Heat. Nausea.

I pressed both my hands against my head, because I had the feeling that it would burst any second. And then I cried. I screamed until I ran out of air. My scream echoed from the surrounding walls of houses and rang in my ears.  
After my outburst the silence surprised me anew. My throat burned, but my thoughts were a bit clearer now. While the oppressive and depressing feeling was not completely gone, my heart felt no longer as constrained in a vise. I deeply breathed in and out. Every breath was visible in the cold air. Slowly I felt better. I decided to go to my Ford. Maybe my friends got the same idea and we would meet there.

I supported myself with one hand on the wall, while I straightened up slowly. My legs were shaking and I stopped for a moment. After I had a reasonably firm footing and I was sure that I was not wobbly when I let go of the wall, I carefully walked two steps. I went in the opposite direction and not in the one, from which I had come. It was a detour, but I did not want to see the 38º. Ever again.  
From a distance I heard the sirens of the police and ambulance. They came very late. The man could not be helped. He was dead.

I went ahead and then turned into the adjoining shopping street. It was deserted. The only thing one could hear was the hum of a broken street lamp that threw flickering light on the street. I hoped that Linda and Vanessa were already waiting at the car and we could drive back home as quickly as possible, but suddenly a now familiar sound tore through the silence.  
Bang.

Earlier in the club, I could not identify it, but now I knew what caused these bang: a gun. This was followed by another shot. It echoed in my ears and in my head again. I caught my breath and I stopped paralyzed. Was the killer of the man in the 38°? How close was he? Was I in danger? Will he kill me when he meets me? I wanted to start running and save my life, but my legs would not obey me.  
Inwardly, I cursed my fear. Then finally my legs started to move and I ran and ran, without looking back.

Two men suddenly appeared in front of me out of nowhere. They stood far apart. It looked as if they wanted to catch me. In my head the alarm bells were ringing.  
These are the killers. They want to kill me. I turned around and hastily ran back when I heard a powerful voice.

"Stop. Hold it. Police." Immediately I stopped. Relieved, I exhaled.  
A wave of joy overwhelmed me. Behind me I heard heavy footsteps. A policeman stood beside me and held his flashlight in my face. To protect myself from the glare I squinted.  
"Your name?", he asked gruffly.

"Holly Dugan", I answered quickly, because I did not want to upset him.  
"Why are you running like crazy through the streets at this time?" My eyes were still closed.  
"I ... I was at the 38° in the nightclub. There, a man has been shot. Therefore I ran outside and ... and ..." My voice trailed off. All the relief was leaving because of the fear and my eyes watered.  
"And?" I swallowed the large lump down my throat.  
"And then I heard two shots."

"Where exactly?", the policeman asked. I pointed in the direction from which I had come.  
He yelled something to the back, I could not understand what. He was presumably talking to his colleague. Then I heard a click and some noise. I opened my eyes because the policeman directed the beam of the flashlight on the floor now. The electronic noise was caused by a walkie-talkie.  
Judging from the face of the policeman, he gave upset, but concentrated, instructions through it. He was old, I guessed that he was 45 or 50 years old. His mouth and eyes were full of deep wrinkles. One could see the last hard years in his profession. The Beard gave him a rustic and unkempt appearance, but it also let him seem paternally.

"My colleagues are in the nightclub and have a look at the case. I will then look together with them around here, perhaps we find traces of the perpetrator. I would ask my colleague, Officer Owen to accompany you to the police station, so we can get your statement. You are currently the only witness."  
That meant they didn't meet Linda and Vanessa. He looked at me with his warm brown eyes.  
I could not really get used to the idea, to be driven to the police station, but in my condition, it was probably better not to be alone.

Quiet, I nodded, because the policeman was waiting for an answer. I followed him to the car. The typical blue-white paint and the blue light of the siren glowed in the dark. It was the symbol of my salvation from this nightmare.

Another policeman, who was considerably younger than his colleague, opened the passenger door. That had to be Officer Owen. I slipped on the soft cushions and buckled up. The two policemen exchanged a few more words, then the younger one got in, started the engine and drove off.  
Silent, I looked out the window as we drove past an endless number of houses and trees.  
I did not have the need to speak with the policeman, to be honest I didn't dare. My fear was that he would ask me questions and I was already nervous by the thought of my forthcoming statement.

What if I do something wrong? How long will the survey take? I tried to think of something else, but the fact that I was sitting in a police car, made this impossible.  
I looked at the driver's side. The young policeman was focused on the road. That, by the street lamps shining light reflected from the windshield on his face. It shimmered bluish and gave him an unhealthy color.

The next ten minutes slipped away. Then the car came gently next to a reddish building, which consisted of several rectangles, to a stop. Through the inscription I knew that they were the local police station. I heard a bang on the driver's side.  
Startled, I jumped up, but it had not been a shot, but only the door the policeman had slammed. He held the door open for me and looked at me seriously, while I got out with shaky legs. With a sick feeling in my stomach I entered the building with my companion. The policeman looked at me from the corner of his eye anxiously.

"Are you okay?", he asked with a, for a man, unusually high-pitched voice. I nodded absently and together we went to the reception counter in the entrance area.  
Behind the counter sat a woman with reddish-brown hair, which stood in all directions. She just put the telephone down, looked at her colleague, then turned to me with an amused smirk. Her green eyes glowed.

"Hey, Steve, is this little girl here your date?", she chirped, pointing at me with her left thumb. She giggled. An unpleasant high-pitched noise. My companion rolled his eyes, apparently he was used to this kind of jokes by his colleague.  
"Very funny, Lucy, but jokes aside. She's here to make a statement about the murder at 38°." The face of the receptionist was suddenly serious. She nodded.  
"I know about the incident. Best you bring her in room 109, which is currently free."  
"Well, follow me, Miss Dugan." Since I was still with red-haired woman in my thoughts, I only noticed that my name was called and was shocked.  
"What?", I asked quietly." You shall follow me please", he repeated and briefly touched me on the shoulder. This small touch was enough to make me feel safer. I followed the policeman down a narrow hallway.  
Most walls which we passed were bare, but occasionally there also hung pictures with asymmetrical characters and bright colors on them. In a dark corner stood a single plant with brown, dried leaves. It must have gotten no water in very long time. From one room came a smell of coffee, what gave this building a home atmosphere.

But that only amplified my desire to run home to my parents. Before I left the house, my anxious Mom had gone on my nerves. Now I would have given everything for her to be here and to be hugged by her.

Officer Owen opened the door of the room with the number 109 and let me in first. My stomach clenched. The room was extremely small, downright tiny. There was only room for a worn table and two plastic chairs. An electronic buzz of the left rear corner told me about the presence of a camera.

I participated in the rear seat, from which I could look directly at the door. The chair was uncomfortable, so I slipped back and forth for a while to find a reasonably comfortable seating position.  
When I noticed that the policeman sat down opposite me, I immediately stopped. He cleared his throat, which gave him an insecure and nervous appearance.

"Do you maybe want to have a drink or a blanket?"  
The prospect of some heat was too tempting, so I asked for the blanket. He immediately disappeared from the room to come back only a few minutes later with a light brown blanket. He handed it to me and I wrapped it around my torso.  
It was thin and barely warmed me, but that was better than just sitting with a top here. Who knows how long I had to stay here.

While I was busy with the blanket, the officer took a small, narrow object out of his pocket. On closer inspection, I realized that it was a voice recorder. With one keystroke, he turned it on.  
"Well, Miss Dugan, begin with your statement. First of all I want to know, in which period you have stayed in the nightclub called 38°."  
Penetrating, he looked at me. Great, the first question I could not answer exactly. My memory failed again.  
"I do not remember exactly when, but I guess around 9 to 10 pm."  
"Well, and why were you at the said place?" I chewed on my lower lip. I always did that when I was nervous.

"I was with two friends. There is no specific reason why we were there." I was afraid that I couldn't give any useful information.  
I'm useless, so please let me go.  
"Aha, and what are the names of your friends?"

At first I was confused and didn't know why he wanted to know the names of the two, but then it occurred to me that they indeed could be potential witnesses and their statements were needed.  
"Linda Johnson and Vanessa Greenwood, but I ran out on my own. They stayed at the club. I don't know where they are. I am the only one who has heard the shots. I…"

He raised a hand to silence me. My heart raced with excitement and my face was burning.  
"Calm down, Miss Dugan. You do not have to explain everything at once to me. Take your time. Tell me step by step of the event of this night and try to remember the smallest details. They are particularly important."

Before I started, I had to know one thing, "Will it take a long time to catch the murderer?"  
"That I can not say, but your statement is very important and who knows, maybe we'll catch him soon." He laughed encouragingly at me.

Then I told him all I could remember and lived through this terrible night again. At some places, my voice was so quiet that the policeman had to ask me to speak louder for the voice recorder.  
Again and again I faltered, especially in the description of the corpse and the shots. The lump in my throat was back and gave me trouble swallowing. When I began to tremble, the plastic chair wobbled along with me.  
"Is everything okay with you, Miss Dugan? Shall I bring you another blanket or a coffee?"  
Apathetic, I shook my head. Images of the corpse flickered before my eyes. Over and over again, like a song on a broken record. I had the metallic smell of blood in my nose. Breathing was difficult for me. My pulse increased.

I was sure that I'd suffocate at any moment. I didn't notice the policeman in front of me any longer, because I was in a pitch black empty space, without walls, without noise, without people. My skull boomed painfully and tears welled up in my eyes. I sobbed and the hot tears flowed, flowed, flowed.  
Actually, I wanted to be strong and not cry, but the tears flow would not stop so easily.  
I was disappointed in myself and my weakness.

Suddenly I was angry. I didn't want these pictures in my head; wanted to get rid of them, but how? Would I ever be able to forget it in a lifetime? No. It would haunt me to the day of my death. The carefree life I had led until then broke into a thousand pieces, so that I couldn't ever put it back together. Never again.

With this knowledge I desperately wrapped my arms around my body and clawed myself firmly with my fingernails in my upper arms. I felt a warm liquid running down my fingers and drip onto the floor, but this time it were no tears, but blood. My blood.  
I felt dizzy and I swayed violently back and forth. I wanted to break out of this space; wanted to feel no tears and pain. I just wanted to get out into the real world in which my parents and friends lived.

I opened my mouth wide, to scream, but I got tongue-tied. No matter how many times I tried, I remained silent. The smell of my own blood was slowly but surely, unbearable. Again, I could vomit. Maybe I'd feel better then.  
I opened my eyes as much as possible, in hopes to see bright light, instead of seeing constant darkness. And indeed, for a short time a white spot flashed, so bright that it blinded me.

Nevertheless, I kept my eyes open, for fear that the stain would disappear as soon as I just concluded a millimeter. The bright spot remained and spread, until the brightness took my entire field of vision. My retinas burned.

The lump in my throat grew constantly smaller. I could breathe again and sucked the air in greedily. My nostrils tingled. The brightness spread from my shoulder to my feet. I was saved. Finally.

Carefully I dared to blink. Before me outlines appeared, that became clearer with each blink. I realized there were two ovals that transformed into human faces. To my right leaned the young policeman who had interrogated me. His face showed concern and anxiety. Frantically I tried to remember his name. What was his name anyway? I think it was Dawson or something like that.

Beside him Lucy, the red-haired woman squatted by the reception. She held my left wrist. She seemed nervous, but not as much as her colleague. She noticed first that I had opened my eyes.  
She sparkled with joy and nudged her colleague, whose face muscles relaxed.  
"We should let her sit up", he suggested in a shaky voice.  
The woman nodded and then I felt a vigorous hand to my right shoulder and to my left, a gentle and slender hand. Both pulled me gently and slowly upwards. And before my feet had contact with the ground, they put me back in the plastic chair. I probably fell to the ground. I haven't noticed it.

To my regret, I noticed that the floor was more comfortable than the chair. I would have prefered to lay down again, but more thin blankets were wrapped tightly around me. Before me stood a cup with clean water.  
"You should drink something", Lucy lovingly said, handing me the cup into my hand. Actually, I was not thirsty, but I did not wanther to be even more worried, so I took a few sips. Satisfied, she nodded.  
"What happened?", I croaked.  
"You fainted and slipped off the chair. We have taken care of you, as much as we could. Your pulse was very weak. Of course, we called an ambulance and informed your parents. They are on the way here", explained the policeman.  
I was not thrilled to be in a sterile hospital, but I was glad that my parents would be here soon.  
"I don't think that an ambulance is needed. I'm feeling much better." To support my statement I smiled.

"You're still very pale. You should be examined by a doctor", said Lucy, and closely examined my skin. Meanwhile, the policeman, whose name did not occur to me, left the room, presumably to greet the doctor and my parents at the reception counter. The room fell silent, because Lucy looked out the small window, waiting for the return of her colleague. Due to the blankets I felt warmer with time, yet I trembled slightly. Like frozen, I looked at the table and waited.

My heart was beating so loudly against my chest that I thought Lucy could hear it, but she stood unchanged at the window. I wanted my parents to come and drive me home, where I could rest.  
I felt weak and tired and had difficulties holding up my head, but I pulled myself together and tried to act normal and not tired with all my strength.

Loud footsteps in the hallway announced the arrival of the police. Seconds later, the door opened and the policeman came in, followed by two paramedics. With quick steps they came over to me. Immediately they started asking me questions about my state and examined me. They felt my pulse, measured my blood pressure and checked the responsiveness of my eyes with a small lamp. I felt uncomfortable, because they running around me and grabbing me everywhere. They made frantic movements and looked down on my, serious and concentrated.

After a seemingly endless examination they told me that I had suffered a nerve breakdown. They advised me to drink and sleep a lot. Fortunately, it was not necessary to take me to the hospital.

During the investigation, the police had been waiting outside the door, but now they entered the room, my parents behind them. My mom immediately rushed up to me with a careworn face and hugged me. From the corner of my eye I saw my dad as he chatted with one of the paramedics, whispering. The friendly face of my Mom appeared in my field of vision. Although she smiled, I could see her worry about me in her eyes.  
"We'll take you home now, honey", she assured me, and a single tear rolled down her left cheek.


End file.
